"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."

Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

If I Mattered To You, Then All I would See, Is Indigo.

Okay...Here's The Sad Part, We weren't even together and he still broke my heart. Why do I always end up liking someone so much that it hurts when they say that they like someone else? This one dude...He'll never know exactly how much I like him. Everytime he talks about this girl he likes it's like my heart is splitting open more and more. It's always like this with guys I like...but he's the one guy that I've liked more than any other guy, even Ivan. I'll never forget Ivan. He was the one who broke the most important promise I've ever wanted anyone to keep. But I can't tell this guy that. Why? Because he's madly in like, he might even love her, with this other girl. And why wouldn't he be? I mean, she's probably a gorgeous size zero with baby blue eyes and brown hair and no acne. While I'm a hideous size 14/16 with acne, brown hair and hazel eyes. I'm the girl that doesn't stand out in a crowd. She probably is. I just can't keep liking people like this, Especially him. Maybe if she wasn't in the picture, and if I lived closer, then things would be different. I just...feel so helpless right now. That might sound extreme, but it's true. I don't even know if he cares about me anymore. It's gotten to the point where I love talking to him but I also hate the hurt that I feel when we talk because I know that he's talking to her and would rather talk to her than me. I don't know....I guess I just need to get out of the picture and let him continue on liking her and not have him worry about me...I just don't know what to do. Penguin...if you read this...can you help me...please?

Friday, December 11, 2009

This blog's title is not song lyrics for I am in school and am unable to listen to music.

December 7th...It takes me almost a week to realize that I'm not eating like I should. This is my routine: I don't eat breakfast. I eat lunch, I go into the bathroom and puke it up for twenty minutes. I don't eat dinner. I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I want to eat, but I can't. It seems that whenever I look at food my heart starts racing and I feel like I'm about to pass out. I can't fucking eat. My body, or my subconcious mind won't let me, either way, I just can't eat. I think there's something wrong with me, but I'm not sure. >.< I just feel so horrible. I don't know what to fucking do. I can't tell any of my friends close to me because I know that they will all freak out on me and leave. They already think I'm crazy, I can't let them think that I'm even crazier than they think I am. *sighs*
I have to go to the Culinary Arts party and watch them eat...I might add to this later, I don't know.