Christmas break...The longest holiday of the school year that every student on the face of the Earth waits for. Whether you're an elementary school kid or a college student, you're always waiting for Christmas break. It's the break where you have a chance to look back on your past year and realize what all has happened to help you become yourself and what has changed you.
As I sit here and look back on my year I can't help but to think of all of the events and people that has helped shape me into the person that I am now.
2010:
Lost my great aunt. Graduated High School. Entered College. Made amazing friends. Lost and regained friendships. Started a new hobby. Realized what I wanted to do for a living. Losing my parents trust for me.
I've met some pretty amazing friends while in College. I just know that all of these if not most of these friendships are going to last for life.
Monica: My cute filipino friend I met during Wildcat Weekend who I instantly bonded with. She's my roommate and one of my best friends. She was there for me when I went through my four days of home sickness and never left my room. She introduced me Mr. Codykins. =]
Cody: My non-biological brother. I met him through Monica one night during a movie night down in our dorm hall lounge. He's been there for me through everything since entering college. The home sickness, the break-up, the heartaches and happyness. He's been there through it all. He may be an asshole and a jackass at times, but I always know that he will be there even if that means waking him up from sleeping. He knows just the right things to do and say to make me happy and to make me laugh when I don't feel like smiling. =]
Bethany: My dorky church going friend. She may go to church all the time and mentions christian related stuff, but she doesn't shove it down your throat like most churchy people I know. She's addicted to Starbucks, and I'm glad to go with her whenever she wants to go. She's been there when I've felt insecure and I just want to hide away from everything and everyone. She knows how to make me smile. =]
Sydnee: This chicka lives forty-five minutes from my home in Texas in Katy. It's amazing how I can talk to her about Katy things and she automtically knows what I'm talking about and vice versa. She was there when I felt like I was on my death bed and Monica had quarantened me to my room. She didn't listen to Monica, she just walked right in and sat on my bed and didn't budge. =]
Alice: We just...automatically clicked when we first met. I can still remember that day like it was yesterday. We ate lunch with Monica and Chrissy and walked for two hours to the sixteenth street mall, and ever since then we've been inseperable. Our relationship has gone from friendship to an actual relationship. We will be together for two months on December twenty-seventh. She's the one who helped me learn who I was and that I shouldn't care what people think because their opinions don't matter. She helped me come out from behind the mask that I used to hide behind. I love her to death and no matter what happens to us, I know that she will always be there for me and that I will always be there for her. I love you baby. =]
Avion: This girl is effing hilarious. I love her. Words cannot describe her. Honestly. =]
Summer and Maddie: Summer is so ditzy at times and Maddie is so down to earth. They're both amazing girls. I love them for them.
Darlene: That girl....How exactly would I describe Darlene? I would describe her as the inncent, girl next door type. She's beautiful in every way possible. She is such a loving friend who cares for each and every one of her friends. I absolutely adore her. =]
Josh, Derek and David: These three guys are all grouped together because they are just that awesome. I love hearing their stories and their rants. They amuse me in so many ways that it's not even funny. Hehe. =]
These people have helped shape me into the person that I am at the conclusion of this year. The most important thing that I've learned about myself this year is that I'm an amazing person who is one of the most bubbly person I know. I've learned that I shouldn't let other people's opinions shape the way I see life and the way I act. The only thing that is important is my happiness.
Without everything that has happened this year and the people i've met this year, I would continue to be the person that I was at the conclusion of last year. And I must tell you....I much like the person that I am now much more than the person that I was at this time last year. =]
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
College.
College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College. College.
It can be the best of times and it can be the worst of times.
It can be the best of times and it can be the worst of times.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Random Facts...
American car horns beep in the tone of F.
The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
Children are more allergic to cockroaches than they are to cats.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
The first computer mouse was invented by Doug Englelbart in around 1964 and was made of wood.
The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache on a standard playing card.
50 cent's In Da Club was written in a half hour.
Astronauts get taller when they are in space.
Only 6 people in the whole world have died from moshing.
Organized crime is estimated to account for 10% of the United States' national income.
An earthquake on Dec. 16, 1811 caused parts of the Mississippi River to flow backwards.
About 400 different kinds of microbes live on and in the human body.
When Scott Paper Company first started manufacturing toilet paper they did not put their name on the product because of embarrassment.
Conneticut and Rhode Island never ratified the 18th amendment (Prohibition).
All the clocks in Pulp Fiction are stuck at 4:20.
The magnetic south pole was discovered off the coast of Wilkes Land in Antarctica.
2 out of 3 adults in the United States have hemorrhoids.
Harry's birthday is July 31, 1980. Rowling's birthday is also July 31 - but in 1966.
Originally, Nintendo was a playing card manufacturer.
Money notes are not made from paper, it is made mostly from a special blend of cotten and linen.
Since 1495, no 25-year period has been without war.
The number of the trash compactor in Star wars is 3263827.
Canada is an indian word meaning "Big Village".
Gold is so rare that the world pours more steel in an hour than it has poured gold since the beginning of recorded history.
A Polar Bear's skin is black, and its hair is clear.
Approximately 1,100 U boats were sunk or lost during World war II.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
A man gets robbed in London every 4.5 minutes.
The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
Children are more allergic to cockroaches than they are to cats.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
The first computer mouse was invented by Doug Englelbart in around 1964 and was made of wood.
The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache on a standard playing card.
50 cent's In Da Club was written in a half hour.
Astronauts get taller when they are in space.
Only 6 people in the whole world have died from moshing.
Organized crime is estimated to account for 10% of the United States' national income.
An earthquake on Dec. 16, 1811 caused parts of the Mississippi River to flow backwards.
About 400 different kinds of microbes live on and in the human body.
When Scott Paper Company first started manufacturing toilet paper they did not put their name on the product because of embarrassment.
Conneticut and Rhode Island never ratified the 18th amendment (Prohibition).
All the clocks in Pulp Fiction are stuck at 4:20.
The magnetic south pole was discovered off the coast of Wilkes Land in Antarctica.
2 out of 3 adults in the United States have hemorrhoids.
Harry's birthday is July 31, 1980. Rowling's birthday is also July 31 - but in 1966.
Originally, Nintendo was a playing card manufacturer.
Money notes are not made from paper, it is made mostly from a special blend of cotten and linen.
Since 1495, no 25-year period has been without war.
The number of the trash compactor in Star wars is 3263827.
Canada is an indian word meaning "Big Village".
Gold is so rare that the world pours more steel in an hour than it has poured gold since the beginning of recorded history.
A Polar Bear's skin is black, and its hair is clear.
Approximately 1,100 U boats were sunk or lost during World war II.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
A man gets robbed in London every 4.5 minutes.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Just try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend.
I should have never gotten that tattoo because now if I ever cut myself it will make me feel horrible and shitty. I still can't talk about the whole friends loving each other anymore. Cissy..she used to tell me everything, and then Michael came along and it's like she doesn't tell me anything anymore because she's telling him everything. Whenever I try to talk to him it's like he's too busy to talk to me, because, surprise, he's talking to her and the same with her. It's like I don't even exist with to them anymore.
She has the one thing I want. I want someone who will love me no matter what, but I know that will never happen. Why would anyone want to love me like that? They'll just get hurt, no one wants to get hurt. I should have killed myself when I had the chance. I'm tired of pretending to be happy. I pretend to be happy for my friends, but I can't take the whole pretending thing anymore. I know if I stop being happy everyone will leave me.
There's only one thing that has always been there when no one else was. One thing that has seen the good times and the bad times. I never had to pretend to be something I'm not. But what I want is something I can never have because I promised everyone. Hell, I keep all of my promises for people, why can't I just break one? I just want my damn razor back.
She has the one thing I want. I want someone who will love me no matter what, but I know that will never happen. Why would anyone want to love me like that? They'll just get hurt, no one wants to get hurt. I should have killed myself when I had the chance. I'm tired of pretending to be happy. I pretend to be happy for my friends, but I can't take the whole pretending thing anymore. I know if I stop being happy everyone will leave me.
There's only one thing that has always been there when no one else was. One thing that has seen the good times and the bad times. I never had to pretend to be something I'm not. But what I want is something I can never have because I promised everyone. Hell, I keep all of my promises for people, why can't I just break one? I just want my damn razor back.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Life is good I can't complain. I mean I could but no one's listening.
Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.
Time spent wasting is not wasted time.
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.
Thinner is the winner.
You can never be too rich or too thin.
Hunger hurts but starving works.
The flat stomach is nice, but a concave one is perfect.
You will be tempted quite frequently. You will have to choose whether to enjoy yourself wholly for those twenty minutes or so that you will be consuming excess calories, or whether you will despise yourself cordially for the next three days.
Eat to live, but don’t live to eat.
Quod me nutrit, me destruit.
Most women live their lives in a state of starvation. Why should I be any different?
It’s Simple: You decide once and for all that you aren’t going to eat, and there are no further decisions to make.
It’s not deprivation, it’s liberation.
Being normal is over rated.
Food is like art, to be looked at not eaten.
Every time you say no thank you to food, you say yes please to thin.
You have a choice to make, do you want to be ‘normal’ and overweight like the rest of the world, or do you want to be unique and be the girl every overweight person wants to be? It’s all up to you.
I do eat normally: Only what is needful for survival. I can’t help it that we live in a piggish society where gluttony is the norm, and everyone else is constantly stuffing themselves.
Think higher of yourself, you’re too good to put that in your body.
Anorexia is not a self-inflicted disease, it’s a self-controlled lifestyle.
When I wake, I’m empty, light-headed. I like to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling light. For me, food’s only interest lies in how little I need, how strong I am, how well I can resist, each time achieving another small victory of the will.
The difference between want and need is self control.
I’ve come too far to take orders from a cookie.
They always say they’re concerned with me, about my health, whey all they want to do is control me. They want to pin me down and force feed me with lies, with what they call love.
The greasy fry, it cannot lie, its truth is written on your thigh.
They say I could die if I get too thin and I tell them I could die getting too fat also. The difference is dieing thin is a challenge and I am not one to give up on a challenge.
We are prisoners of our taste buds - break free.
I want my collarbones and hips to be as sharp as my mind.
You can learn to love anything I think, if you need to badly enough. I trained myself to enjoy feeling hungry. If my stomach contracts, or I wake up feeling nauseated, or I’m light-headed, or have a hunger headache or better yet, all of the above, it means I’m getting thinner, it feels good. I feel strong, on top of myself, in control.
Denying yourself food is not true deprivation - never being thin is.
There is no try, there is only do.
I have a rule when I weigh myself. If I’ve gained then I starve the rest of the day. But if I’ve lost then I starve too.
Re-measure, reweigh, try harder.
Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess baggage the shorter the trip.
You have such a pretty face, why don’t you try dieting.
Pain is temporary; Pride is forever.
An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person.
Don’t give up wheat you want most for what you want at the moment.
I’m a teenage drama queen, I’ll throw my guts up for self esteem.
Empty is pure, starving is the cure.
Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
Like a plant, surely the body can be trained to exist on nothing to take it’s nourishment from the air.
Feed the soul; let the body fast.
If you close your mouth too fast, you can know a sweeter taste.
The less I swallowed, the more I declined. the more I hope to pour things down to the essentials.
The more they give me, the less I eat.
Eat less, weigh less.
Thin has a taste all it’s own.
Happy or sad, rich or poor, it’s better being thin.
I don’t care if it hurts, I want to have control, I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.
If it tastes good, it’s trying to kill you.
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist - but ordinary’s just not good enough today.
The world is control. That’s my ultimate - to have control.
I want to be the smallest I can possibly be…when I see bone, that’s the day I will finally be free.
I’m not a winner. I could be thinner. So I must throw up dinner.
Giving in to food shows weakness, be strong and you will be better than everyone else.
I’m not starving myself, I’m perfecting my emptiness.
Anorexia is not a disease. Anorexia is not a game. Anorexia is a skill, perfected only by a few. The chosen, the pure, the flawless.
Anorexia is like a game, you play, you win, and then it’s over. Or you keep playing.
Nothing. Nothing is wrong. And asking is against the rules. Crying is against the rules. You’re strong, don’t let them break you. They’re trying to destroy you.
Don’t eat. If you want to see food, look in the mirror at your thighs.
What’s in your fingers today is on your hips tomorrow.
The only freedom left is the freedom to starve.
You are what you eat.
Good habits result from resisting temptation.
Food is the most primitive form of comfort.
Act as if it were impossible to fail.
Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
Food pickers wore big knickers.
Don’t eat anything today that you’ll regret tomorrow.
Craving is only a feeling.
Bones define who we really are, let them show.
Time spent wasting is not wasted time.
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.
Thinner is the winner.
You can never be too rich or too thin.
Hunger hurts but starving works.
The flat stomach is nice, but a concave one is perfect.
You will be tempted quite frequently. You will have to choose whether to enjoy yourself wholly for those twenty minutes or so that you will be consuming excess calories, or whether you will despise yourself cordially for the next three days.
Eat to live, but don’t live to eat.
Quod me nutrit, me destruit.
Most women live their lives in a state of starvation. Why should I be any different?
It’s Simple: You decide once and for all that you aren’t going to eat, and there are no further decisions to make.
It’s not deprivation, it’s liberation.
Being normal is over rated.
Food is like art, to be looked at not eaten.
Every time you say no thank you to food, you say yes please to thin.
You have a choice to make, do you want to be ‘normal’ and overweight like the rest of the world, or do you want to be unique and be the girl every overweight person wants to be? It’s all up to you.
I do eat normally: Only what is needful for survival. I can’t help it that we live in a piggish society where gluttony is the norm, and everyone else is constantly stuffing themselves.
Think higher of yourself, you’re too good to put that in your body.
Anorexia is not a self-inflicted disease, it’s a self-controlled lifestyle.
When I wake, I’m empty, light-headed. I like to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling light. For me, food’s only interest lies in how little I need, how strong I am, how well I can resist, each time achieving another small victory of the will.
The difference between want and need is self control.
I’ve come too far to take orders from a cookie.
They always say they’re concerned with me, about my health, whey all they want to do is control me. They want to pin me down and force feed me with lies, with what they call love.
The greasy fry, it cannot lie, its truth is written on your thigh.
They say I could die if I get too thin and I tell them I could die getting too fat also. The difference is dieing thin is a challenge and I am not one to give up on a challenge.
We are prisoners of our taste buds - break free.
I want my collarbones and hips to be as sharp as my mind.
You can learn to love anything I think, if you need to badly enough. I trained myself to enjoy feeling hungry. If my stomach contracts, or I wake up feeling nauseated, or I’m light-headed, or have a hunger headache or better yet, all of the above, it means I’m getting thinner, it feels good. I feel strong, on top of myself, in control.
Denying yourself food is not true deprivation - never being thin is.
There is no try, there is only do.
I have a rule when I weigh myself. If I’ve gained then I starve the rest of the day. But if I’ve lost then I starve too.
Re-measure, reweigh, try harder.
Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess baggage the shorter the trip.
You have such a pretty face, why don’t you try dieting.
Pain is temporary; Pride is forever.
An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person.
Don’t give up wheat you want most for what you want at the moment.
I’m a teenage drama queen, I’ll throw my guts up for self esteem.
Empty is pure, starving is the cure.
Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
Like a plant, surely the body can be trained to exist on nothing to take it’s nourishment from the air.
Feed the soul; let the body fast.
If you close your mouth too fast, you can know a sweeter taste.
The less I swallowed, the more I declined. the more I hope to pour things down to the essentials.
The more they give me, the less I eat.
Eat less, weigh less.
Thin has a taste all it’s own.
Happy or sad, rich or poor, it’s better being thin.
I don’t care if it hurts, I want to have control, I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.
If it tastes good, it’s trying to kill you.
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist - but ordinary’s just not good enough today.
The world is control. That’s my ultimate - to have control.
I want to be the smallest I can possibly be…when I see bone, that’s the day I will finally be free.
I’m not a winner. I could be thinner. So I must throw up dinner.
Giving in to food shows weakness, be strong and you will be better than everyone else.
I’m not starving myself, I’m perfecting my emptiness.
Anorexia is not a disease. Anorexia is not a game. Anorexia is a skill, perfected only by a few. The chosen, the pure, the flawless.
Anorexia is like a game, you play, you win, and then it’s over. Or you keep playing.
Nothing. Nothing is wrong. And asking is against the rules. Crying is against the rules. You’re strong, don’t let them break you. They’re trying to destroy you.
Don’t eat. If you want to see food, look in the mirror at your thighs.
What’s in your fingers today is on your hips tomorrow.
The only freedom left is the freedom to starve.
You are what you eat.
Good habits result from resisting temptation.
Food is the most primitive form of comfort.
Act as if it were impossible to fail.
Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
Food pickers wore big knickers.
Don’t eat anything today that you’ll regret tomorrow.
Craving is only a feeling.
Bones define who we really are, let them show.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Graduation is upon us my dear friends.
This isn't the end of our lives, it is but the beginning of a story yet unknown. Saturday is my graduation. Today we had Graduation practice...Tears were shed, and even more are going to be shed I can guarantee it. It's sad and depressing for some and happy and joyful for others. For me though...It's both. After graduation I'm going to Colorado for college, leaving Texas and my friends behind to find what I want to do with my life and what I'm about and who I am. It's going to be a long journey and I can't wait for it, but at the same time I'm leaving behind the people that have helped shape me, helped save me, helped me in so many ways that it's unbelieveable. Graduation seemed so far away and now it seems like it's tomorrow. Please tell me...Where has the time gone? I still remember the days when playing with hula hoops and jump ropes were fun during the summer. When Sailor Moon and Pokemon took up our afternoons and weekends, and rockstars, popstars, firemen, and astronauts were the in jobs to have. Now, it just seems like, Where are you going after you graduate? What are you going to do with your life? And you realize that you will never become a rockstar, a popstar, a fireman or an astronaut. You realize that you need an actual real job. I don't know if I'm actually ready for this little step, or should I say, A giant leap of faith into the world unknown...All I have to say is: "This isn't the end of our lives, it is but the beginning of a story yet unknown."
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Hate is such a strong word and I must admit that I use it wrong.
Two days ago on facebook I made a huge mistake. I told all of facebook about how much I hated my mom. As soon as I posted it I regretted it, but stupid me didn't erase it. I had planned to erase it soon, but then I started vomiting, and I'm sorry, but when I'm busy trying not to vomit all over myself it's kinda hard to think about anything else. Yeah, Monday night and Tuesday I was vomiting all over the bathroom with what mama said was a stomach Virus. So anyways, I should have deleted it when I was feeling a little better after throwing up, but all I wanted to do was sleep because I had not slept the night before. I'm an idiot. I know that. I'm a disgrace to my family. I know that too. And being a disappointment to the family? I know that one too. I don't even know why they keep me around anymore to be honest. I mean, I'm never nice to any of them, all we ever do anymore is fight and it's always my dumb ass starting it. But yes, That facebook post was a mistake. I hurt someone that I love very much. I was mad at the time, I hated her for all of five minutes. I quickly got over it though, and I know that I should have deleted it, but I didn't and I'm sorry. Mama, If you're reading this, I know you probably don't care because you're mad at me. But this is coming from the bottom of my heart. I don't know how else to tell you that I'm horribly sorry for saying what I did. I'm a horrible daughter and I'm sorry. I just wish you'd forgive me. I hate when people are mad at me, especially you and daddy. When you two are mad at me, it just makes me feel like the worst person to ever live on this planet. This is my apology letter...I hope you accept it, but if you don't then I'll understand.
Mama...I don't hate you. I really don't. I love you. And I'm sorry.
:/
Mama...I don't hate you. I really don't. I love you. And I'm sorry.
:/
Monday, April 19, 2010
My new favourite word and other random thoughts coming to mind.
Dasvidanya. What does it mean you ask? Well lets go look that up on google. It means Goodbye in russian. You might recognize it from the 1997 Fox Family animated movie, Anastasia. One of my favourite movies of all time. (: It's pretty much a story about the long lost Romanov Grand Dutchess and her story of trying to find her family, and who she is and where she belongs. So...enough about Anastasia. I'm in economics, and we're learning about stocks. *sarcastic whoopie* I have Yahoo! Finance open on a different tab 'keeping up' with what the teacher is talking about. Oh well. Class Change. ^^ Now I'm in BCIS which is my computer class for all of you non LCISD students. I made a 96 on my practice test, so I decided today is my chill day in this class. I'll take the real test tomorrow. =] I'm a good student, I get my sugar done. I'm listening to Circus by Britney Spears and drinking a sobe...so you know what I am...HYPER!!!! Hehe. My poor kitty got drunk last night. shame shame. I love her to bits though, so yeah. =] I'm in a really good mood today, it's insane. INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE!!!! hehe. *dances randomly to Britney Spears* {Just Like A Circus} Ooooo Song Change....All The Things She Said by Tatu.Hehe...I shall go now and have fun with my hyperness by myself. xD
Monday, March 8, 2010
I Do What He Says But I End Up Falling Off The Edge.
Dear Past Me:
When they offer spanish in Junior High....Take it then.
When Alex asks you out, just say no...It'll save you from alot of things.
When someone introduces you to a blade and the art of cutting...Don't listen to them.
When someone introduces you to the art of anorexia and bulimia...Don't listen.
When you get your new scooter, don't ride it through puddles...You'll be happier.
When you meet someone over the internet named Kyle Nichols...you might like him, but it won't work out.
I'm only eighteen and there's so much more I could write about who to avoid and who not to and who you say you love, but the only one you will really truly like/love is a guy named Malachi. He treats you like none of the other guys have.
When they offer spanish in Junior High....Take it then.
When Alex asks you out, just say no...It'll save you from alot of things.
When someone introduces you to a blade and the art of cutting...Don't listen to them.
When someone introduces you to the art of anorexia and bulimia...Don't listen.
When you get your new scooter, don't ride it through puddles...You'll be happier.
When you meet someone over the internet named Kyle Nichols...you might like him, but it won't work out.
I'm only eighteen and there's so much more I could write about who to avoid and who not to and who you say you love, but the only one you will really truly like/love is a guy named Malachi. He treats you like none of the other guys have.
Monday, March 1, 2010
All we need is love and beer and old school metal.
Foreign Languages...why must we take the courses in high school? I mean, if we already know it, then we won't need to take the class; if we don't know it, then we probably won't use it. I can already tell you that by my first year of college, i'm going to forget everything I learned in Spanish, so really...I see no point in learning spanish. Sure, if I go to mexico or spain or anything I will not know the language...that's why they have translators. I mean, we are becoming so technologically advanced that pretty soon we won't need to be able to speak at all, just learn how to push buttons and have the machine talk for us. So yeah...I'm failing spanish...might not even be able to graduate...what kind of shit is that?! I mean seriously...I fucking hate foreign languages...give me some cool language to study...like australian, irish, british, scottish...stuff like that. Yes, I do know they speak english...but they also have different words for things that we use..and you can learn to speak with an accent. xD well....I'm done ranting..latas.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I don't care what happens to me anymore!
"You need to stop eating before you are able to fit into my pants." that's what my 'great' culinary teacher said...she said she was just joking, but I know that she just said what everyone else already knows. So guess what...I'm done eating. I no longer care who I hurt by it. I am tired of being called fat, and people are saying that I need to do something about it, so I finally fucking am. I don't care about anything anymore. So as of now, I'm done eating. Yes...that's right; Heather is finally going to starve herself thin. Here's to good luck. I will be the girl who will have to wear 00 jeans instead of 14 or 16. I'm not only doing this for myself, but I am finally giving people something pretty to look at. And since none of my friends ever read this, they don't have to know about it. >.< Blah!
What. The. Hell. Man.
George Ranch High school in Richmond, Texas is ten times better than my High School (Terry High School). It looks like fucking HOGWARTS!!!! Makes me want to fail for four years just so I can go there. Man, kids these days get everything!!!
Friday, February 5, 2010
You made me breakfast in bed, when I'm all mixed up in my head.
I got Accepted into Johnson and Wales in DENVER, COLORADO!!! if you want a link to the website to look at the campus here it is: http://www.jwu.edu/campus.aspx?id=25932 It looks kinda like Hogwarts if you ask me. =D
Monday, February 1, 2010
Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place? like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you?
All Is Not What It Seems
Do you ever look at someone and you can instantly tell that they’ve been through more stuff than you can fathom? You want to be able to see what they’ve gone through just by one look, but you already know that will take weeks, if not months of getting to know them. Then there are some people who do wear their past on their arms.
I’m sure you’ve seen these people on the streets, or in the halls of your school. They wear sleeveless shirts only rarely, and are almost always wearing jackets. These people by scientific name are self-injurers, but to most of the population, they are known as cutters. They say the people who take the blade to their skin are suicidal, or are emo kids who try to fit into the fad of having hair in their face, black clothes, and who listen to heavy metal bands and who cut themselves. But you see stereotypes are nothing but the little groups that society puts you into. These people couldn’t be more wrong, people who cut don’t have to always wear black. Look around you. In ever classroom there is one person who has delved into the act of self-injury. They could be the ‘ghetto’ kid in the back of the room with pants to his knees, could be the ‘preppy’ girl in the middle of the room who always comes into class with a skirt on and always seems perfect, or it could always be the ‘nerd’ in the front of the room who always has their nose in a book. People who cut aren’t always suicidal either; they seek it out as more of a pain reliever than as an attempt at suicide.
I, myself, am a cutter. Five months on January 27th. Even though I haven’t done it for five months, and I’m never going to do it again, it’s a part of me, it’s a part of who I am. I have the scars to show the struggles I have gone through. They say that to be ‘emo’ you have to be depressed, but everyone gets depressed, just some people take it to the next level. I am one of them, I know it was a mistake, but I don’t regret it because it’s in the past and I’ve lived through it.
At first glance, you never would think that I was cutting up my arms every night or that I used to do it so badly that I would end up passing out on the floor of the bathroom. Some days I get really strong urges to dig the blades deep into my skin and slice my arm open, but then I think about how far I’ve come without doing it and I begin to wonder why I ever became involved in the practice of self mutilation and about how stupid I was for thinking it was a way out.
People judge people on their mistakes. We say we don’t, but we do. We try hard against it, but in the end, we all…every single person on the planet judge’s others on their mistakes whether they know it or not. I will always be judged by the scars on my arms and wrists, no matter how much I wish I wouldn’t…I always will.
Do you ever look at someone and you can instantly tell that they’ve been through more stuff than you can fathom? You want to be able to see what they’ve gone through just by one look, but you already know that will take weeks, if not months of getting to know them. Then there are some people who do wear their past on their arms.
I’m sure you’ve seen these people on the streets, or in the halls of your school. They wear sleeveless shirts only rarely, and are almost always wearing jackets. These people by scientific name are self-injurers, but to most of the population, they are known as cutters. They say the people who take the blade to their skin are suicidal, or are emo kids who try to fit into the fad of having hair in their face, black clothes, and who listen to heavy metal bands and who cut themselves. But you see stereotypes are nothing but the little groups that society puts you into. These people couldn’t be more wrong, people who cut don’t have to always wear black. Look around you. In ever classroom there is one person who has delved into the act of self-injury. They could be the ‘ghetto’ kid in the back of the room with pants to his knees, could be the ‘preppy’ girl in the middle of the room who always comes into class with a skirt on and always seems perfect, or it could always be the ‘nerd’ in the front of the room who always has their nose in a book. People who cut aren’t always suicidal either; they seek it out as more of a pain reliever than as an attempt at suicide.
I, myself, am a cutter. Five months on January 27th. Even though I haven’t done it for five months, and I’m never going to do it again, it’s a part of me, it’s a part of who I am. I have the scars to show the struggles I have gone through. They say that to be ‘emo’ you have to be depressed, but everyone gets depressed, just some people take it to the next level. I am one of them, I know it was a mistake, but I don’t regret it because it’s in the past and I’ve lived through it.
At first glance, you never would think that I was cutting up my arms every night or that I used to do it so badly that I would end up passing out on the floor of the bathroom. Some days I get really strong urges to dig the blades deep into my skin and slice my arm open, but then I think about how far I’ve come without doing it and I begin to wonder why I ever became involved in the practice of self mutilation and about how stupid I was for thinking it was a way out.
People judge people on their mistakes. We say we don’t, but we do. We try hard against it, but in the end, we all…every single person on the planet judge’s others on their mistakes whether they know it or not. I will always be judged by the scars on my arms and wrists, no matter how much I wish I wouldn’t…I always will.
Friday, January 29, 2010
It's like being in love, You rob your own mind, You defile your bed.
Let Me Put it Plainly...Subs Suck. Here's my rant about mine: "Fucking bitch. She has no fucking right to fucking come into this god damn class. It isn't her fucking class. And then to get mad at me when she said that she was going to go around the room to get tardy people. Fucking disgrace of a god damn teacher. No wonder no one fucking likes her. And the sub looks like a god damn full grown mother fucking munchkin. A Little Harsh? Maybe. I dunno, I was in a bad mood and we had this really mean teacher in my class. I mean, my friend had that teacher for French and she lasted a semester because she was tired of hearing that teacher tell them about how they were a disgrace to the student body and that they were going to live their lives working as the greeter at Wal-mart. I fucking hate subs!
Monday, January 4, 2010
For Never Was A Story Of More Woe Than Of Juliet And Her Romeo
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Juliet:
O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.
Romeo:
[Aside] Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
Juliet:
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy:
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? It is nor hand nor foot,
Nor arm nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O be some other name!
What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
and for thy name, which is no part of thee,
Take all myself.
Romeo And Juliet Act 2, scene 2, 33–49
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Juliet:
O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.
Romeo:
[Aside] Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
Juliet:
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy:
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? It is nor hand nor foot,
Nor arm nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O be some other name!
What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
and for thy name, which is no part of thee,
Take all myself.
Romeo And Juliet Act 2, scene 2, 33–49
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Friday, January 1, 2010
You held my hand and walked me home.
I told him goodbye. One of the most stupid things I have done. He really was a good friend. Even if he did stop liking me...I still wanted him as a friend. Since Michael left, it's like he's the one of the only people I could come to with anything. I can't believe I could just throw it away like that. I don't want him to go...but maybe it was for the best? I just...I don't know what to do. I feel lost, worthless, helpless. Like I'm in this big black pit of nothingness and I can't get out. I can now see why he doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm nothing but a drama filled teenage girl. Who wants that? No one. I feel so pathetic right now. >.<
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