"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."

Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Ugh...really?

Well...since no one reads this shit anyways, other than Josh I'm posting shit on here. You are a fucking stupid ass Skank who cant keep their god damn mouth shut and has to start so much fucking drama to statisfy her own needs. So just shut your god damn filthy fucking mouth and learn to keep your shit to yourself and stop starting drama and blaming other people. I am DONE with you you dirty whore. I hope you rot in fucking hell you god damn daughter of a fucking prostitute bitch.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

You'll make it through with another point of view again.

Liberate the people that you hate
Then cut yourself again
Elevate then drop back down
And see which ones remain
Remember all that she can say
Is that she knows she wants it
You'll make it through
With another point of view again
You'll make it through
With another point

Accusation, does yes mean no?
Or have you changed your mind?
Kill the nation before it grows
And be one of a kind
Remember all that she can say
Is that she knows she wants it

You'll make it through
With another point of view again
You'll make it through
With another point

Pretend the world's an ocean
Oh, I'm drowning
Pretend that I'm pollution
Oh, I'm dying
Pretend the steak's a cowboy
And the kiss will kill you

You'll make it through
With another point of view again
You'll make it through
With another point

I don't know how to breathe without you...

I don't know what to do anymore. I try to be happy but it just seems like whenever I get happy something has to go and ruin it. I don't know who I am anymore. I used to be the happy, giggly person in my group of friends. Now I'm the sad, depressed person in my group of friends. It's like the happy giggly person has died and has in return evolved into this thing that everyone hates. Helsinki, Even I have come to hate the way I am now. I want to go back to the way I was. I need help to get back there. I promise that girl will come back, it just takes time and love and care. The one person who can make that girl come back is now mad at me, or so it seems. My Bethy makes her come back, but in no way like the other person. These two people are literally the two people who have never left me this year and they in return know how to make me happy and how to bring back the happy little girl that disappears for awhile. She disappears and comes back. It might be the next hour, or day or week or month...she's been gone for a year before and only because i had to bring her back. She didnt stay for long. She left quickly after that. Some days, I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't want to be as horrible as I used to be. I never want to be that way again, but it seems like being like that is how it must be for now till someone wants to break that hard skin of an outer shell that is there. I promise, that with a little help, a little care and a lot of love she will return. Just...right now...no one wants to put forth that help and that care and that love to help, so she must be stored away till someone wants to bring her out from the darkness and into the light. To help rescue her.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

I'm sick of this. I am completely fucking sick of all of this.

I'm sick of the drama. I'm sick of having to choose between groups of friends. I'm sick of hanging out with one group and having the other be upset or mad. I'm sick of trying to choose between happiness and fake happiness. I'm completely sick of it. I amd completely fucking sick of myself! It's like I can't do anything right. I try to make everyone happy, but it never works or else it always backfires. It's like I can't make anyone happy. I'm constantly in a heated battle with myself over my emotions and the thoughts in my head. Everyone thinks that I'm always giggling and smiling and that I'm always happy, but there's so much more to me than that. I can't express everything to everyone without them hating me or upseting them so this is the last thing that I have in the world to express my feelings. I feel like bawling my eyes out and taking a razor to my neck. I just want everything to stop. I'm tired of living out of a backpack and a bag, but this is the only place that I'm happy. I can't go back to my room because I will go back to thinking about cutting and suicide all of the time. I can't live like that for the rest of the school year. I just can't. But I can't live here for the rest of the year. So what are my choices? Live out of a bag and a backpack till the end of this tri and then go back to the Self harming and suicide thoughts? That just sounds like so much fun. I honestly don't know what to do about anything anymore. I want someone to tell me that everything will be okay and actually mean it this time. I want someone to tell me that I don't need those thoughts and that I don't need to do it. I can't live there anymore. I just don't know what to do at all anymore. I feel completely hopeless and helpless. I feel like a fucking fuck up...That's what I feel like. Why can't I just dissappear and never return. Or crawl into a ball in the corner and die. I don't know what to do. I feel like such a foolish fuck up.